Observation

D Cock of BIAFRA

King kObOkO watched dis video jst 2day where an okuko igbo (igbo cock) was pursuin a dog. Can u imagine dat? It looks so unbelievable wallahi. Hehehe…

Biafran cock

While watchin d video, I wondered “Wat kind of cock is dis?”

D answa dat came 2my mind is dis:
THIS COCK IS THE SPIRIT OF BIAFRA

THIS IS A BIAFRAN COCK

Abeg watch d video make u undastand wetin I dey talk:

http://www.datafilehost.com/d/30bbad2c

Chelu! Chelu! Chelu nu ooo! Taata bu ubochi ndi Igbo! 2day, Sept 29th na World Igbo Day! Make una no fear 2kill chicken afta watchin dis video o! Hehehe…

HAPPY WORLD IGBO DAY!!! *wavin Biafran flag*

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Pussy Tastes Like Mayonnaise

I no know about u o! But King kObOkO don notice sey pussy dey taste like mayonnaise & d body odour of d woman. *winks*

mayonnaise

D tin b sey I too like mayonnaise. I dey use am chop salad. I dey use am chop bread. I dey use am chop rice. So I know wat I’m sayin wen I tell u dat pussy tastes like mayonnaise & I luv it.

Hmmmm… Delicious. *lickin my lips*

Or wait o! Is it only my queen’s swt hole dat tastes like dat?

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Who wan marry Linda Ikeji?

1st of all, King kObOkO dey wish Linda Ikeji happy bday o! She’s now 34yrs old. Dat na if dat no b her football age shaa. *winks*

Ok, so I observed dat Linda’s still single & I decided 2do some investigation about why she’s single. Dis na wetin I discova

linda ikeji new suv lindaikejiblog

Linda Ikeji flaunts her riches
No! I know she can do wateva she likes wit her money. She’s hardworkin. She deserves all d wealth she has. But trust me, postin pics of ur new car, new house, American holiday etc wont help a Naija woman dat wants 2settle down wit a Naija man o!

Good men fear Linda Ikeji’s money

Its true. Most Naija men are afraid of marryin a woman far far richer & far far more powerful dan dem like Linda Ikeji.

Bad boys want Linda Ikeji’s money
U sef reason am. No b true? If u were a lazy Naija guy, wudn’t u b happy if u can marry a woman as bastardly rich as Linda? But sorry men, u cant decieve Linda easily o! Let me tell u why nxt.

Linda Ikeji is a VIRGO
Dat is her zodiac sign. Jst google “Virgo Woman” & u’ll undastand bro. Virgos no dey fall in luv anyhow & always seek perfection in people. Ntooor…*stickin out my tongue* Hahahaha…

Linda Ikeji’s age
Most Naija men dey find fresh 18-25yr old ladies 2marry. Na only very few dey consider d 25-35yr olds.

Linda Ikeji isnt ready 2marry a younger man
Aunty Linda, u wan deny? Can u marry a younger man, who u know & d world knows is younger dan u? No worry, I alredy know ur answa *winks*

Linda Ikeji is from Imo state
Every Igbo man & even non-Igbos know dat marryin an Imo woman no b small tin at all. U go spend moneeeeeeeeeey. Hahaha… But my man, dont b discouraged. Win Linda’s luv 1st. I’m sure she wont mind supportin u wit part of her millions 2settle her kingsmen. *winks*

Finally, *going down on 1 knee & holdin a ring*
“Linda, will u…?”

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Nigerians Don’t Buy Ebooks Because…

Believe it or not, Nigerians are not buying ebooks…
Because I’m not William Shakespeare?
No!
Because I’m not Chimamanda Adichie or Nnedi Okoroafor or Onyeka Nwelue or Kiru Taye or Helon Habila or Myne Whitman?
No, no, no, no, no and no!
Let me tell you the reason:
Nigerians are not buying ebooks because of the oshofree mentality.

Because of the OSHOFREE mentality
Oshofree na chop-no-pay.
Oshofree is when you eat without paying.
Oshofree is when you download almost all the songs on Psquare’s, M.I’s, Olamide’s, Wizkid’s, Chidinma’s, Iceprince’ or Flavour’s album for free instead of buying the album on the streets. Chai! No wonder Naija artistes don’t depend on album sales like their American counterparts.
Oshofree is when you want to read an ebook for free instead of buying it for as low as $1. That’s TWO HUNDRED AND SOMETHING NAIRA!
Haba! Nigerians too like free things. Hehehe… Forget that I’m laughing o! It’s not funny. It’s affecting me personally. How? You may ask.

How it’s affecting King kObOkO
Ok, let me use my book “The Legend of INDIA VS NIGERIA” for example. The book is on Amazon Kindle, Lulu, Okadabooks, Smashwords and I’m even selling it independently via Gumroad. The problem’s not that its not selling o! My sales statistics show that Americans, Britons, Indians, Ghanaians and South Africans are buying it. I thank God for that. Or are the buyers actually Nigerians living in those countries? I still thank God. The problem is that only very few Nigerians living inside Nigeria are buying it. Many of them are begging me on Facebook to offer it for free so they can download and read it. Imagine!!! Nigerians eh!!!

If you doubt me, go to Okadabooks and observe the oshofree mentality of Nigerians there. Check the number of downloads for free books versus the number of downloads for books for sale. That’s when you’ll clearly see what I’m talking about.

Nigerians abroad versus Nigerians in Nigeria
You may want to be a Thomas-ekwekwe and counter my argument by saying that Chimamanda Adichie, Nnedi Okoroafor, Onyeka Nwelue, Kiru Taye, Helon Habila and Myne Whitman are all selling. Yes! I gree. Them dey sell. But I have some questions for you:
Question 1: Where are these successful Nigerian authors living? Are they based in USA, UK and India? Or are they based in Nigeria?
Question 2: Who is buying their ebooks? Is it foreigners and Nigerians in the diaspora? Or is it Nigerians in Nigeria?

What Nigerians in Nigeria prefer
The bitter truth is that Nigerians in Nigeria would rather download an ebook for free than pay as little as N100 (hundred naira is not even up to half a dollar). Don’t even argue that Nigerians are poor o! The same poor Nigerians spend money to subscribe for the data that they use for browsing and downloading. Don’t also argue that Nigerians don’t read. The same Nigerians buy and read pirated copies of Things Fall Apart, Half of a Yellow Sun, Bottled Leopard every day. They buy and read second-hand Harlequin, John Grisham, James Hadley Chase, Sidney Sheldon books every day.

Is it that Nigerians in Naija are too scared to use their ATM cards to pay for ebooks because of the fear of yahoo boys? I don’t know. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that Nigerians prefer paying for hard copies and paper books to paying for soft copies and ebooks.

It’s hard to sell the preferred hard copies and paper books through Lulu or CreateSpace because of the expensive cost of shipping it to the buyer in Nigeria. Worst of all, it’s harder to publish it locally as Nigerian-based publishing houses are quarter-to-dead, dead o’clock or half-past-dead. Hehehe…

E no easy to be a Naija-based author, wallahi. God help…

“Wait! So what’s the solution King Koboko? What do you advise us to do? What do you advise aspiring Nigerian authors to do?” I hear you interrupting me now. Relax! I’m coming. As I was saying, God help us. Say amen.

Self-publish ONLINE and OFFLINE
It’s simple.
Stage 1: Self-publish your work online so that foreigners and Nigerians abroad can buy it.
Stage 2: Self-publish it offline too so that Nigerians in Nigeria can buy it. Self-publishing offline means that you’ll spend at least N180,000 to locally print at least 1,000 copies of your book and market it vigorously by yourself.

My brothers and sisters in the writing world, I hope I’ve been able to convince you and not to confuse you that self-publishing both online and offline is the way forward. But no vex o! Your boy King Koboko’s still saving money to carry out stage 2 of his own advice. Hehehe…

Shhh… Don’t tell anybody: I still secretly wish that an international publisher will come and offer me a publishing contract. *winks*

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WORDPRESS Better Pass BLOGSPOT/BLOGGER

I read dis post recently http://www.codingsavvy.com/2015/07/wordpress-or-blogger-which-is-best-for.html?m=1 where sum1 was arguing dat Blogspot/Blogger is better dan WordPress 4 bloggin & I disagree.

Why I think WordPress is better than Blogspot/Blogger

1. WordPress has a wonderful mobile view. But wit most Blogspot blogs, even if u set ur phone’s operamini browser on mobile view, e go still open wit desktop size & very slowly too.

2. Its easier & faster 2post comments on a WordPress blog. Try 2comment on any Blogspot/Blogger blog & u go dey frustrated wit all d unnecessary verification.

3. WordPress has a cool mobile app 4 Blackberry & Android phones. I no know if Blogspot get their own app yet sha.

4. On WordPress, I can blog from my java phone. Yes o! I fit blog sharp sharp 4rm my Nokia, Tecno or Itel java phone thru m.wordpress.com

5. WordPress’ dashboard is very easy 2 operate

6. WordPress feels more mature. D truth b sey too many Nigerians dey use Blogspot/Blogger bcos of LindaIkeji.blogspot.com

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Women, ur VIRGINITY is not enough o!

King kObOkO don com again wit him observation o!

Ok. I noticed dat most Nigerian virgins believe dat their virginity entitles dem 2 marriage. Dem they tink sey virginity na d main thing wey go make their marriage last. They think dat their virginity is d ultimate gift 2 their husband. But I disagree o!

Jst imagine dat u marry a virgin, do jigijigi wit her on d 1st night. She bleeds. She cries. U’r her 1st man. U dey feel like James Bond. Den she enters d kitchen & cooks poty 4 u. As in, she cant cook. She’s lazy. As in, she no fit do house chores. She quarrelsome, troublesome, a nag, a dullard. Hehehehe…

My broda, tell me, will her virginity (which u’v alredy taken sef) b enough? If u were 2 choose btwn a non-virgin who is lovin, cooks excellently, keeps d house clean etc & d kind of virgin I described b4, na who u go choose. Talk true o!

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Make Govt Giv NIGERIA ARMY ENGINEERS More Contracts

Una know sey King kObOkO dey talk wetin him don observe. *winks*

Ok, so I observed d seriousness wit which d Nigeria Army engineers were executin a drainage & road construction project near my area. They were even workin at night while we slept.

I also heard dat wen they’r thru wit d project, they’l call a meetin of landlords in d area & warn them 2make sure d drainage is not blocked & dat d road mst not b damaged. I dare anybody in my area 2disobey d army. Dem dey mad? Hehehe…

So I was thinkin it’l b a good idea 4d Nigerian govt 2giv d Nigeria Army Engineers more road contracts since Nigerians ar more likely 2help in d maintenance of such projects due to their fear/respect 4d army. E go make sense abi?

D only problem go b dis: If d Nigeria Army Engineers com do d contract anyhow, na who go probe dem?

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Dagrin Rapping in IGBO language!!!!

Check out dis video of Dagrin rapping in Igbo.
Na King kObOkO personally upload am so dat una go see how dis Yoruba hiphop legend rapped in Igbo. I miss Dagrin wallahi.

http://www.datafilehost.com/d/71a1ee57

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Buhari, Abeg Legalize Illegal Refineries

Dear Baba,

I 4 don trek 4rm Niger Bridge 2 Abuja com greet u but people go talk sey King kObOkO wan do follow-follow or copy-copy. Hehehe…

But seriously, d most important tin wey u go do 4 Nigerians na if u legalize d so-called illegal refineries 4 Niger-Delta. No, d most important tin na if u go fit giv us at least 18hours of light everyday. Wallahi, skeptics like me & those wey dey call u “Baba One Chance” go salute u if u go fit do am.

Pls Baba, it will b a real CHANGE if u can order d army & navy 2 stop destroyin d so-called illegal refineries in d Niger-Delta. I suggest dat u regulate dese small local refineries instead of destroyin dem. Dat way u go create more jobs 4 youths so dat we no go dey trek trek up & down dey look 4 pipeline 2 bomb, oyibo 2 kidnap or any other criminal tin. Plus, once its regulated d process becomes safer & d quality of d locally refined oil go improve.

Ehen, 1 more tin sir. Biko, continue d Second Niger Bridge project o! Nagode in advance. Sai Baba!

Yours,
King kObOkO

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Like MAYWEATHER VS PACQUIAO, Like INDIA VS NIGERIA

I cant wait 2 watch d Mayweather vs Pacquiao fight wallahi. I no fit watch am live bcos I no get d money but I go still watch am finally shaa.

I know it’l b a bumper to bumper war like d India vs Nigeria match dat happened in 1970. (D full story dey inside my book, “The Legend of INDIA VS NIGERIA”. Jst google it & buy ur own copy. Or u can click on d link on my blog below)

But d problem is, will 2moro’s fight result in a rematch? If it does, will d two men agree 2fight again? Or will they keep dodgin a rematch like how d Super Eagles of Nigeria hav been avoidin a rematch against d Blue Tigers of India since 1970? Hehehe…

U really need 2read The Legend of INDIA VS NIGERIA by King kObOkO

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Open Letter 2 Linda Ikeji

Dear Aunty Linda,

I no b ur hater & I no wan do u bad belle. In fact eh, I’m 1 of those dat visit ur site almost everyday. I was 1 of those dat pitied & supported u wen ur blog was taken down few months ago. But wetin u do dis time no good. So King kObOkO has no choice but 2 flog u.

Aunty Linda, its very criminal of u 2 hijack Chimamanda Adichie’s Oba of Lagos article from Olisa.tv without acknowledgin or creditin dem. Its wicked of u 2still refuse 2credit dem as d original source even afta they contacted u & cried out on twitter. Haba!

I’m a writer & a blogger so I know how it feels 2b a victim of intellectual property theft. E dey very painful wallahi. I also know how swt it feels 2b acknowledged 4my work. Dat na why I respect a blogger like Laila Ikeji of lailasblog.com. She may not b as rich or as popular as u but she once surprised me by rightfully creditin me publicly 4 an info I gave her in d past.

Besides, I know Ukamaka Olisakwe & Mazi Fred Nwonwu who both work on Olisa.tv. They’r gifted, hardworkin & lovable individuals like u. D 1st day wey u go meet dem e go b luv-at-1st-sight. Bet me. Pls dont start an unnecessary war wit dem. U wronged dem. Use ur church mind & apologize 2 dem b4 its too late abeg, biko, ejo, mbok.

Urs peacefully,
King kObOkO

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ODOUR OF OVER-SEX

King kObOkO don observe anoda tin again o! Hehehe…

Hav u eva noticed dat prostitutes or ashewos or runs-girls hav a particular body odour? In fact eh, if u’r very observant like me, u’l notice d odour in any over-sexed female. It doesnt matter how many perfumes or body sprays or deodorants or scent oil she uses, d odour always over-powers it. I swear. Hehehe…

Una fit dey wonda “Koboko, how u take know d odour?” Well, I’m jst very very observant dat’s all. Even b4 I did my 1st kwokirikwo wit an ashi, I already knew d odour. So no accuse me of too much fucku fucku o! Hehehe… I was even surprised dat d 1st ashi I eva did kwokirikwo wit didnt hav d odour. But I later discovered d reason: it was bcos she was new in d business. She neva get experience by dat time.

Ur nxt question now fit be, “Ok Koboko, how does an over-sexed woman smell?” D answer hard o! D odour of over-sex is actually very hard 2 describe. I might hav 2 show it 2 u in person. I’m sure u’v percieved it b4. Its jst dat u’r not aware dat its d odour of over-sex.

And NO. Its not dat normal natural smell of a sexually active woman o! Dat smell is different. Dat 1 na d smell of sex. Most men know dat smell. *winks*

Actually, I was thinkin I was d only 1 dat knew d odour of over-sex until 1day wen dis particular girl walked past me & my frnd. I told him “Dat girl na ashi”. He nodded in agreement & told me “She dey smell like ashi sef.” Wow! I was surprised & asked him “So u know their smell too?” Dat was d day I confirmed dere were oda alobas like me out dere. Hehehe…

My broda, knowin d odour of over-sex can save u from unknowingly dating or marryin an ashi o! Not dat its bad 2 marry a repentant ashi shaa. I jst dont want u 2b decieved in2 a relationship wit a pretendin ashi.

My sista, abeg too much sex is not good 4u o! It changes ur body odour. And trust me, d odour of over-sex no get solution o! Its d more sex u hav, d stronger it gets.

Surprisingly, I’v percieved d odour on a few men too. Though I suspect it was rubbed off on dem afta spendin time wit an over-sexed woman. Or could it b dat even over-sexed men develop d odour over time too? I no sure shaa. *shrugs*

So na wetin una tink about dis my observation? U gree or u no gree?

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POWER pass POWER

In Aug 2003, me & my family screamed “Up NEPA!!!” in America. Yes, we were in New York 4 a vacation at d time & experienced their once-in-a-blue-moon blackout.

On dat particular day, I rememba dat I went wit my father 2 Manhattan. We were surprised wen d lights suddenly went off. No, blackout na normal tin 4 Naija. But dis was a blackout in Almighty America!!!

I was more surprised at d widespread panic everywhere in New York dat day. Americans were afraid. Was it anoda Osama Bin Ladin attack?

Traffic lights went off. Traffic jams everywhere. So me & my father started trekkin from Manhattan 2 Eastern Parkway in Brooklyn where we were stayin. Dat trek wasnt funny at all.

I rememba seein helicopters flyin here & there. I rememba Americans buyin & sellin candles, fancy lights, bicycles & skateboards by d roadsides. I rememba me & my father walkin in2 a fillin station 2buy water. We were so so thirty. They told us they’d already sold all d bottled water 2 other thirsty trekkers like us. We had 2buy bottled juice instead. I kept walkin & walkin & walkin wit my father wonderin wen we would finally get home. My legs were painin me. I was so tired. E no funny at all at all dat day o!

Wen we finally got home, d cooker couldnt cook. D water from d taps were cold. And only very few radio stations were playin on my small battery-powered radio celebratin how they were still on air. As well as assuring worried Americans dat Osama & Al Qaeda had nothin 2do wit d blackout.

Wen power supply was restored d next day eh, Americans lept 4 joy. While me & my brother & sisters screamed “Up NEPA!!!” as if we were in Nigeria. Hehehe….

Later, we started seein Americans wearin shirts wit words like “I SURVIVED THE BLACKOUT”. Nawa o! We all laughed at them. It was jst too funny 2 us. Imagine all dis drama happenin in Nigeria bcos of ordinary, normal, everyday blackouts. Hehehe… I was so sure Nigerians would wear “I SURVIVED THE LIGHT” shirts, if we ever enjoyed one week of uninterrupted power in Nigeria.

And it is a tragedy. Its a shame dat after more dan 50yrs of independence, we still dey scream “Up NEPA!!!” everyday. Its a shame dat “Up NEPA!!!” are d 1st words dat every Nigerian child learns even b4 sayin “Mummy” or “Daddy, good mornin”. Hehehe… Wahala dey wallahi.

D worst part is dat d poor power supply has affected & is affectin our psyche. We feel powerless. We dont know wen NEPA will take d light. Nobody warns us about an impendin blackout. We dont know wen NEPA will bring d light back. And nobody cares 2 apologise 2 us.

Our govt doesnt care. And we’re now used 2 it.

Our politicians grab more political power & are freed forever from poor electrical power.

We lose interest in votin. After all, if we vote finish, NEPA go still dey take light anyhow & anytime dem like.

Except of course, we can grab political power like our politicians so dat every other power shall be added unto us:
standby-generator power,
oil money power,
celebrity power,
groupie power,
dere gawa zie.

So our struggle 4 power becomes a do-or-die affair. Like 50cent, we will get power or die tryin.

Aunty Chimamanda Adichie don observe her own. Dis na King kObOkO political observation.

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IN NIGERIAN FILMS, U MST HEAR…

King kObOkO don com again wit him observations o! Dont blame me abeg, blame my mum & every oda Nollywood-lover dat has forced me 2watch Naija films wit dem. Hehehe…

Ok, so I noticed dat u mst hear dese words or dialogue, if u watch any Nigerian movie. If u no hear any of dese words eh, maybe na Ghana film u dey watch. Hehehe…

“STAY AWAY FROM MY LAND!!”
U beta jst stay away from Mike Ezuruonye’s land o! Or else…

“PLEASE DON’T KILL ME! PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!”
D person about 2b killed usually says it twice or more, so dat d hefty assassins will take pity on him/her if possible. But sorry, gbooooooaaa!!!! Dem go still kill am.

“I NEED GRANDCHILDREN! GIVE ME GRANDCHILDREN!!!”
Patience Ozokwor is either begging her son 2marry or she’s tauntin her barren daughter-in-law.

“I’M SORRY. SHE DIDN’T MAKE IT.”
D doctor is shakin his head & consolin d husband whose wife has jst died in d labour room.

“IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. I CAN EXPLAIN!”
Yes, d man can explain why he’s naked wit anoda man’s wife doing jigijigi, kwokirikwo & yoriyori wit her on her matrimonial bed.

“IT’S THE WORK OF THE DEVIL!”
Chinwetelu Agu has jst been caught red-handed doing evil & now he’s blamin d devil. Devil wey no send am message o!

“WAIT FOR ME!”
Pete Edochie jst angrily told u 2wait 4him, u beta tire race b4 he comes out wit a cutlass or doublebarrel. King kObOkO go run four-forty o! Hehehe…

“USELESS MAN! YOU WILL COME BACK AND MEET ME HERE!!!”
D man don marry bad wife. Its either he sleeps at his frnds house till she cools down. Or he jst does what she wants him 2do so dat peace’ll reign.

“YOU SLAPPED ME? HOW DARE YOU?”
Mercy Johnson is holdin her cheek & askin Tonto Dikeh. But Tonto Dike will most likely shout back at her “YES! AND I WILL DO IT AGAIN!!!” It’s either Mercy Johnson slaps her back or she walks away. Otherwise, she go jst do wetin Jesus talk inside Matthew 5: 39

“IGWEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!”
D chiefs all chant! Its either their king Olu Jacobs has jst settled a case or is being crowned as Igwe 4d 1000th time in anoda Nolly-village.

Nollywood, King kObOkO dey hail una oooooo! Hehehe… Una dey try sometimes shaa. But Mr & Mrs Director or Scriptwriter, we don tire 4dese words, biko, ejo, mbok, abeg, pls. Thank u. *winks*

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M.I yabs Pam Andrews in Bad Belle

Ok o! I jst dey chill 4my palour 2day wen d music station I was watchin decided 2show M.I’s Bad Belle. Den suddenly, ghen ghen… I hrd M.I dissin Pam Andrews wit dis words:

“Yeah… Rihanna on deck
No bra, no pant
Jst showin off ur body
U a bad bitch, u a bad bitch
Kill them jor…”

Una rememba sey Pam Andrews wear naked-dress like Rihanna recently abi? Hehehe…

Make una no call me bad belle o! Na observation I jst observe.

Unu ma n’onu na-ekwu warawara, nti na-anu warawara ga-anu ya. (I no go translate wetin I jst talk. Meet any Igbo man near u 4d translation) Hehehe…

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